T Blog :-)

One bad night, one bad decision can ruin your life. I awake at 11:00 AM. Today is the day; today is my prom, my senior prom. I have been waiting for this night to come since Kindergarten. I am so thrilled that I get to share this with the love of my life, Sean. We have been dating ever since the 3rd grade and he is so sweet and loyal. I just need to get through the day. I sit through all of my classes glaring at the clock. It seems to be stopped, the seconds seem like hours. When will this day end? I aimlessly await school to end. RING!!! The final bell, I am put out of this misery. I jump into my car, race home, and get ready for the big night. Around 8:00 my beloved Sean picks me up. We cruise down to my school ready for the big night ahead of us. When we park, he leans over and kisses me. He tells me he loves me and is so grateful that he has me. A tear forms in my eye, a tear of joy, what would I do without him? I tell him I love him too, and we continue to the Prom. Prom is amazing and we are getting drunk off of the spiked punch. After a long night, the prom ends and we all leave the building. Sean says he wants to come over to my house and “confirm our love”. I am so shocked because he has been putting it off because he has been telling me he wasn’t ready. Now he is. Tonight is the night. I speed down the highway trying to get to my house as fast as I can. I know I shouldn’t be driving because I am definitely wasted, but I just kept driving. All of a sudden, I enter a world of darkness and confusion. Not knowing where I am, I wait, wait for time to pass. I awake with the warm hand of my mother. She tells me that I was in a car accident when driving home from prom and I had no long-term injuries. With a sigh of relief I sink into my hospital bed. I remember Sean was in the car with me so I ask my mom how he is doing. She takes a breath and says,”honey, he is dead, I am so sorry”. At this moment, I couldn’t cry, I just couldn’t believe it. The love of my life, is dead, he is gone forever. The next few days I just cry and feel suicidal. I miss him and want to hear is laugh, see his smile, feel his touch. But he is gone, and I have to move one from my one and only love. I don’t think I will ever love someone the same again. One bad night, one bad decision can ruin your life.

Sometimes, I think Holden says things that aren’t the whole truth. I think he hides behind humor and sarcasm, or he doesn’t try. I think he doesn’t try so he won’t get upset if he fails. He repeatedly says he doesn’t care about his future. “Oh, I feel some concern for my future, all right. Sure. Sure I do… But not too much, I guess. Not too much, I guess”(14). When he says this, I think he is hiding, and not showing his true emotion. Everyone cares about their futures to some extent. He says that to hide. He feels as if he will fail, and he doesn’t want to be upset when he does. I think it is not that he doesn’t care about his future; I think it is that he is frightened. He is frightened to take risks and move past obstacles. Holden is so self-effacing and doesn’t believe in himself. In life, you MUST take risks to succeed no matter what. He believes he will not survive the obstacles, and therefore doesn’t try. If Holden put everything he had into succeeding and trying, he will succeed, however, he will never get anywhere with the attitude he has. Therefore, I think Holden doesn’t tell the truth when he says he doesn’t care about his future, because he does, he is just too afraid to take the risks.

My legs feel shaky and weak. We are about to begin the race. I stand and look at all of the other contestants. All of the contestants are tall, have long legs, and looked determined, while I am short and look nervous. I feel my legs shaking and start to give out on me. As they call us to the starting positions, I can feel drops of sweat forming on every square inch of my body. As I raise my head and look in front of me, the track seems never-ending. Then, unexpectedly, I hear a loud bang. The other girls dash in front of me and I get the clue to begin the race. I trail behind all of the other girls. After the first lap, I am already out of breath and exhausted. I have a temptation to stop but I persevere. My lungs feel as if they are being compressed painfully, my heart feels like it is beating through my throat, and my legs feel as if they are holding my body plus the weight of earth. By the fourth lap, the sweat is rolling of my chest like Niagara Falls. As I come to the finish, I try to sprint so I will not be last. When I get to the finish line, I walk to the side and I lay down. I finally am able to breathe. Although, I came in second to last, fourteenth place, I was so proud of myself for finishing the race and participating. I feel as If I have wings, and I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Where is it?  I creep around the house looking for it.  I want it, no, I NEED it.  Under the couch, in the lamp, around my bed, under my desk, I can’t seem to find it anywhere.  At least I am finding loose change.  My house is neat because my mother MUST have everything in a specific order in a specific place.  It gets boring, I want more variety in my life, I want adventure.  However today, something is wrong, something is missing.  I get my adventure, but I am confused by the misplaced item and intrigued by the possibilities of where it can be.  My mother would never allow this.  Finally, I find it, under the counter.  I hold the tiny brass key in my hand gaining a sense of accomplishment.  I immediately rush to the cookie jar to claim my prize.  As I push the key anxiously into the slot, it locks.  The key is stuck and the lock won’t open.  I give it a couple of jolts, but the lock won’t budge.  I am tired of everything being perfect.  I pick the jar and chuck it downward and it cracks into little pieces.  I finally hold my cookies, waiting to eat them.  I smashed the jar in the heat of the moment, but how will I explain this to my mother?      

“Hello, my name is Kelly and I am here to rescue you.” I quickly carry the small child through the growing flames. I finally escape while the child has not. He has lost all consciousness. I give him CPR, but nothing seems to be working. The ambulance comes to the child’s aid and asks me to leave. After a long night’s work, I had rescued 7 people, but one didn’t make it out alive. The small child had gotten more smoke in his lungs than his little body could handle. I go to break the news to his mother. A tiny woman who looks terrified is asking everyone if they have seen her son. This is the woman, so I timidly approach her. Before speaking I hide my tears and take a deep breath. I tell her what happened and then, she collapses into my arms. She has gone into cardiac arrest. I let the ambulance take care of her and I go home after a long night. When I get home, my kids have gone to sleep and my husband is awake worrying about me. He comes anxiously to the door and holds me. He whispers, “I was so worried, but I am so lucky to have you”. A tear creeps down my face. I kiss him and I say I am fine wondering why he was so distressed. He tells me he got a call saying some firemen were trapped in the fire and couldn’t make it out. I take a moment to thank god that I am not one of those people and we go off to bed. Early in the morning I get a call and they say I must get down to the station immediately. I rush down and, right away, I am put on a bus to go to the fire. I noticed the panicked faces of other people on the bus. I draw my attention to the World Trade Center. The black smoke is coming out of the building in all directions. I freeze, realizing I am definitely not prepared for this. I leave a message on my home phone telling them what is happening and that I love them. I get there and I am told to get into the building and rescue as many people as possible. I start my long journey up the stairs, my stairway to heaven. Floor after floor I tell people to evacuate the building. I hear a loud crash and I suddenly find myself trapped. I lie under rubble from the floor above me. This is when I realize I am not going to make it out of here. I say a quick prayer for my family and loved ones. Then, I feel the floor below me give out and I fall, I fall into darkness.

Through the Eyes of an angel

As I awake the warm hand of my mother or father does not greet me. The hand is unfamiliar. The scent is interesting and it is the largest hand that has ever grasped mine. I am hesitant as the man guides me through the fog, not knowing who he is or where he is taking me. He turns to me and tells me everything is all right and I am finally set free. At that phrase my body shuts down. It finally hits me that I am never going to see my parents again; I am leaving Earth and going to the “better place”. At this moment, everything makes sense to me. As I arrive in heaven it is not the place I had thought it to be. There are no gates, trumpets, or people. The only person here is me, free to soar. As I fly above the clouds, I find a gap. As I peer through I see the whole world below me as if I could hold it in the palm of my hands. Looking closer I did not see the warm happy faces of my parents, instead I see my friends and family screaming at the sight of my unconscious body. I turn away and start to sob. It is too hard for me to watch. I suddenly get a feeling of sorrow because I realize that this is not my time to leave everything I have worked for. This is not my time to leave the people I love. I sob until I can feel my stomach turn inside out. I sob until the water from my body is drained I start to feel dizzy. Then, I fall. I awake with a cough as water comes shooting out of my mouth. This time, the warm hand of my father and my mother greets me. They thank god and ask me if I am okay. I smile with relief and tell them I am fine. However, I will never be able to share my experience in Heaven through the eyes of an angel.

image fog: Fog comes like lost souls reaching for their final resting place.

as black as rust
as black as my brother’s new shoes
as black as my mother’s long hair
as black as my notebook
as black as a killer whale
as black as the path of a fire
as black as my broken toe
as black as my room at 10:30
as black as unexpected deaths
as black as a cat

My mother comes home. I look at her and I suddenly realize something is very different about her appearance. Her gorgeous long sandy blonde hair has turned as black as the trail of fire. Her sandy blonde hair that I have wanted and have hoped for is gone. It is gone forever. It will never be the same.

~Taylor Hummel